In the last several years, Triton Public Schools and our community members have determined 8 qualities that we want every Triton student to embody in their everyday lives and especially upon graduation. The Triton Profile of a Graduate consists of: self-awareness, integrity, critical thinking, dependability, problem solving, resilience, work ethic and communication. As a school counseling and social work team, we’d like to explain a little more about each of these traits and how they can relate to mental health and/or social emotional learning.
In April, the Profile of a Graduate focus is communication. Students will learn that communication is the process of exchanging information between individuals--verbally, with symbols or signs, and even by saying nothing at all. In fact, it is often said that much more is communicated through someone’s nonverbals--eye contact, tone of voice, body posture, space, touch, gestures, etc. Even the people involved in a communication exchange can alter how that communication happens. Do you greet your grandma the same way you do your boss? A stranger? Your best friend? Odds are that who you are communicating with changes how you communicate.
One aspect of communication that isn’t always considered is listening. As parents, teachers and caregivers of young people, how much are we listening and how well are we doing it? I recently had a conversation with a high school student who was explaining their anxiety about an upcoming test. They were frustrated when the teacher told them, “Don’t worry! You’ll be fine! You have been working really hard.” The teacher, very well-meaning in their reply, who certainly didn’t say anything wrong, was trying to reassure the student; however, they also weren’t truly listening. The student was wanting a reply that validated how they were feeling. “You are feeling anxious because this material is challenging for you and you get nervous about taking tests. I know that is a concern of yours. I think you are well-prepared for this test. What can we do to help you feel better about taking the test?” The student now feels heard and we have had a successful communication interaction. For younger children, you may have watched the Disney movie Inside Out. There is a scene where Bing Bong the purple Elephant is upset. Joy immediately says, “It’s going to be ok, we can fix this!” and tries to make him feel better right away by making funny faces and tickling him. Sadness listens to and acknowledges the situation, saying, “I’m sorry…They took something you loved and it’s gone.” Because of Sadness’ empathetic listening, Bing Bong then opens up and shares how he’s feeling. He cries, gives Sadness a hug and then declares he’s all better now and they continue on. You may be able to think of a time when in hopes of quickly soothing an upset child you rushed to say, “It’s ok!” to make them feel better right away so you could continue with whatever you were doing. Sometimes when we validate people--of all ages--with whatever their emotion, even unpleasant, it can actually help the person to feel better and move on more quickly. Our natural reaction is to reassure and make someone feel good as soon as possible. Next time you find yourself in this situation, I encourage you to validate all emotions and sit with that person in whatever they’re feeling. See where the communication act of empathetic and active listening can take you.
